abject absolution

i'm here today to talk about you. the perpetually mistaken and ever forgettful you. you have always fallen just short of my expectations. you leave me with the feeling i get after im interrupted from a good dream to face the real world. like a lover's embrace you always leave me wanting something more. you are nothing more to me than the novocaine i pump into my heart to erase the guilt. and nothing less than the sore on the inside of my cheek that keeps bleeding every time i touch it with my tongue. court is in session and you are on trial. but how is it that you always end up under the gavel of this stonefaced judge. this is all a matter of perspective and the situation changes with each brushstroke. with enough paint we can make this masterpiece our own. but in the end all that's left is the artist and the canvas, the blank page that swallows our darkest thoughts. take a peek under all the makeup beauty queen, and tell me what you see. i'm not saying that you're not gorgeous, i'm just suggesting that you might see someting the cameras don't. and i should know what that's like, because underneath the layers of false pride and just behind this holier than thou mask lies a trembling little boy, terrified that all the imperfections and insecurities that wander around in the confines of my mind will threaten to break free at any time. the framework of every single relationship is secrecy and manipulation. we speak in terms of supply and demand and every emotion has been pasturized and homogenized to the point of acceptance. somewhere in all this chaos and entanglement of finger pointing family lost its meaning. maybe im too old to dream but somehow deep inside i know we were designed for something much greater and our hearts were made to harbor humility not vanity. now i'm no political expert and i don't have a doctorate in foreign affairs but maybe, just maybe if we stopped pointing the barrel of the gun at one another and took one second to look at all the beauty if this life; maybe then we could just take our fingers off the trigger and stop shifting blame in bullets and spreading hope in blood. i hear a strong wind of change and its voice is love. it starts with you and it starts with me. so let's stop blaming you and start taking responsibility for me.