the difference between swimming and drowning is in the decision

beneath the placid surface i float. suspended below the dark water, where i find my rest. this is peace. this is silence. no sound but the soft rolling and crashing of the waves above. i am removed and i am free. a beautiful isolation. nothing will find me here, though try they may i am lost beyond rescue. i have out evolved the need for guilt or pain. emotion is nothing but an extra weight that will tie you to land. sorrow and hope were born to the same mother. sorrow murdered hope because it was sick of being ignored. and sorrow became obsolete because blood speaks louder than words. some may call this an escape, but i call it an empire. and nothing is real here in my kingdom, all is a shifting shadow, an illusion of what really exists. but substance has no value in this timeless landscape and apathy covers over a multitude of convictions. but the currents are changing and this present darkness is an ominous sign. panic and insecurity have stirred the water and the pressure is thickening. i look desperately for something to cling to. i plunge my fingers into the ground but the sand offers no stability. the sharks have begun to circle as they follow the fresh scent of fear. this is my impartial judge, sent with a mouth full of standards to test my deeds. and his bite is absolute. my motivation has tracked me down and i have nowhere to turn. maybe next time i will re-think my definition of home. consequence or no consequence this is remorse