smokey the bear married an arsonist

as i look out upon burning hills i can't help but wonder how it all came to this. a world once full of color and life now melts beneath a skyline of smoke and embers. i hear trees split and the ground crackle beneath the weight of my decisions. yet as the flames lick at the barren branches of the tallest trees i feel no remorse. i know this march of destruction was set into motion by my own hands but for some reason regret is further than the safety i seek. there's no room for an emotion as raw and visceral as that in a heart like this. windows begin to shatter as the heat begins to engulf my fortress of seclusion. as i shield my face from the cascading shards i catch a glance of that box. a little wooden visitor sitting silently in the corner of this room. my thoughts quickly shift to my eerie counterpart. how long has it been sitting there? how long have i allowed it to occupy that small space in this shelter? i don't dare move to open the box because i know full well what waits inside. even pandora would shutter if its contents were revealed. years upon years of savage emotions dwell within the walls of the box. every feeling of insufficiency, fear, and guilt were sent to live in the vast wilderness of my box. every emotion i could not digest and control has been placed beneath the lid of my solemn spectator. every true emotion moderated and fettered. call it a delusion. call it a novocain life. but at least i didn't have to stain my porcelain skin. at least i didn't have to look upon the true reflection of who i am. the more i think about what's buried in that wooden grave the more i realize that i not only filtered emotion but i actually filtered life itself. and worst of all, i condemned the one thing that could save me from my burning trap. within the confines of that box, i banished love to wander the desolate terrain with no place to take root; no place to grow and spread hope. in my attempt to control every moment i have abandoned your truth. i lost sight of the perfect picture you painted in blood. this time i will not try to escape. tonight i will let the box be consumed by the fire i set. in a bright and glorious blaze love will be set free. as dawn breaks i know that your mercy has carried me through the night. even as the shadows of my inferno darkened everything around you were not changed. may this scorched ground be a reminder of how far you will go to make it right. may the ash be a monument of all i built to keep you out. may these scars always prove that i cannot find my way without you.